Gobble gobble

Vanessa's travel guide to turkey
1: how to get a Turkish stalker
Whilst pondering around the airport trying to work out how to get to my cheap cheap hostel I was confronted by one of the airport staff. After a long conversation of getting to know you random chit chat he insisted on me meeting up with him. Tried and not quick to think I got his number incase I meet some cool people in the hostel to be my posse if I decided to go.. But alas when I got his number he to me to call it.. This the stalking begins. I never met up with this guy and ignored every call that was a foreign number and the calls continued even after my friend picked up and claimed the phone to be his. 

2: staying in an dodgy place
It took the taxi driver forever to work out where the hostel was and fair enough, the hostel was hidden under a giant building with no signage! So after hiking 3 sets of practically vertical stairs I was settled into my room. There was only one other person in my room and he was from Croatia and didn't speak English that well.. But from what I understood was that he was married to a woman who loved shopping, he only eats fruit and vegetable and drinks only water and he only uses soap to wash his hands and washes his body with water! He was nice but a little odd and he looked scary so I held my valuables all night while I tried to sleep!

3: how to become the coupled tourists
The next day I moved hostels and joined an awesome hostel which had 3 or 4 cats! The owners were very friendly and would encourage conversation so in no time I was off exploring with a guy from Portland in America. We explored the Markets and got a little lost here and there.. But managed to find our way back all the time. Whilst exploring we overheard this tourist couple arguing and bickering to each other about the other ones directions! so we pretended we were a married couple called Gerald and darlene and hilariously navigated our way through the crazy markets! The day was packed full of chai teas, green tea with apple, Turkish delights, chaotic crowds and too many cheap items being thrown in your face! Ah Gerald "quit playing with your rocks!!"

4: how to loose your purse
Let's be honest when it says 3 lira tequila shots you should just say no.. Or have one.. Not 4 and vodka!! Long story short I left it behind and all is well now at the time my new "husband" friend was stressing and I could be no more calmer.. It's not my passport nor is it my life! 

5: going on a dodgy tour
I arrive at my hotel for my tour and it's just older people.. Me and the tour guide are the only people under 25 so.. The tour begins and I swear Australian Gerald and darlene if they were single they were on this tour! One man kept leaving his passport everywhere and wasn't very travel savvy. Three lovely ladies however made my trip more enjoyable inviting me to dinner and to join them in events. The tour itself was shocking.. The tour guide ended up hooking up with one of the brazillians on the tour and moved to the back of the bus to make out with him during the tour.. But I became tour guide after that. 

6: what have we learnt
Just take a friend to turkey stay in hostels get lost in the city find your way back and say you have no phone!! Turkey is beautiful and the people stop of 5 minutes and different hours of the day whilst music plays and they pray.
Oh and I saw a turkey in turkey!! 

The lovely tale of zia Anna!

Isn't it funny trying to communicate with a language barrier.. Everything turns into a charades game! Trying to communicate with relatives from veneto has proven itself a hilarious challenge... I have 2 relatives who can speak bit of English but we struggle to understand each other at times. For example they asked me what a trolly is called in English but as they were asking the dog kept licking my feet! This lead to them trying to explain what caress was in italian and them saying "caress it!" but I thought they were telling me to caress the trolly! "Not trolly! Cane! Cane! (dog) Haha!" it's even more difficult cause they speak a dialect as well! Zucchini isn't zucchini.. It's sucoi! But we all understand in the end... Except eggplant! "purple! Purple vegetable!" "purple vegetable!!?? Crazy!" and as for mangiare (eating) time..well it's a funny little joke now but believe me.. There is no stopping! "Vanessa, mangia!"... "no ho pui fame!! Basta!" is the funny new line to say when around me or zia Anna! They also have this habit of calling me "venezia" which means Venice! So when surrounded by multiple zias I get confused between my name and the place as it sounds similar "Venezia vanezia" and one of those words could be my name!? But zia and I had a very nice time watching the royal wedding and calling Camilla a "bruta cavallo" which is an ugly horse! Ah zia. What a crack up! 

Easter!!

Buena Pasqua! Happy Easter.. Let the feaster begin! After preparing myself mentally and physically for this massive day of eating for a week, the day finally arrived! but to tell you the truth I must have over prepared! After the 4 courses I could still keep going! Apparently it was simpler and smaller than all the other years.. So when my aunty and I got home to make rice salad for the next day; the mountain climbing day, we ended up eating most of the ingredients! When the next day arrived I was dressed (spastically because of limited clothing) and ready for the big walk up this mountain! But alas! I was saved by my aunties boss' son who invited me to a picnic with all the "youngins" back home to change and off to the picnic/barbaque I went! hurrah! Luckily most of these kids spoke English as well as italian. So after a little too much wine we all became old chums and they taught me various things about Italian slang and culture. For example the drink chinoto means blowjob to them.. And if your glass is empty it must be refilled with an alcoholic beverage stat to avoid offense.. When I returned home to my aunty I fell asleep on the couch to her enjoyment and then proceeded to eat most of the chips in the house! Drunk Vanessa! 

It's Italy

Italy! Early arrival to celebrate Easter with my aunty and her family who live outside milan in a village/place called angera. Lovely lovely views of beautiful green country and lake! My Italian has improved slightly and I can say "basta! No ho pui fame!" translation "enough! I'm not hungry" believe me they still don't understand this and insist on you eating more! I was told I was too skinny and needed to put on 5 kilos! I negotiated 3 kilos.. But yeah right! My stomach will explode pretty soon! The food is great! Bit oily, but great! I will be visiting my dads side up in Vicenza which is apart of Veneto. Now, from memory, when I was 8 we went there and all I remember is cheek pinching and lots of eating! Lots of eating! Did i mention eating?! And I've just been informed I will be staying with the main perpetrator of this custom! Great! here come those 5 kilos! Today i decided to escape and eat simple..But after resting by the lago maggiore too long all the shops were closed! Yes. Its not a myth.. Supermarcato.. Closed! Everyone here is a little too intimate with their loved one. I think I'm the only single person sitting alone on this lake. Ha! Where is feminism when you need it! So far here I've climbed up a million stairs in the castle and got a free coffee for it! Climbed inside a statue of a saint all the way to his head to look out his eyes, mouth, nose and ears at the view! Climbed down a different set of a million steps to see where the monks built their church.. And got a sample of a Turkish toilet! Went across the lake to arona by ferry! And watched Many a couples embrace under European sun.. Italy= not a place for the single!